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You Know It’s Spring in China When… #JustChinaThings

As China starts to warm up for Spring, the flowers bloom, the weather turns nice, and Chinese people do some weird things.

· Expat Life,Spring,Funny

It may not seem like it, but spring is upon us. In other countries, spring brings new blooming flowers, clear blue skies and an excuse to wear those new shorts you bought on sale back in the fall right before it got really cold. In China, signs of spring come from more “unusual” places.

The “Sun’s Out, Tums Out” Guys

Beijing Bikini, Sums out tums out Chinese guys. Shirt bra in China during the Spring.

You know the buff dudes who always pull up their shirts and show their abs to impress the ladies (or other dudes)? Yeah, that’s not these guys. They think that the best way to stay cool in public as the temperature goes up is to fold their T-shirts up over their bellies to create some kind of abominable man-bra. Luckily for them, their guts keep their pulled up shirts in place so you can take in all of their sexiness.

The Sunbrella Vampires

Sunbrella Vampires in China. Parasols everywhere to keep their skin from getting tan.

You look out of your apartment to see what the weather is like and all you see if umbrella tops. That can mean either two things; it’s raining or it’s sunny. Two completely opposite weather patterns. Chinese people don’t like getting tan (it’s a public display of wealth thing) and will go to any measure to avoid it. The first method of sun-blocking in China is to carry an umbrella. China is full of vampires afraid to get melted by the sunlight.

The Darth Vader Visors

Darth Vader Sun Visors in China.

Luke, I am your Ayi. In the never-ending ending battle between Chinese people and the sun, these terrifying half hats/half masks have become part of the solution. Often dawned by the little old ladies riding motorbikes (why are they not wearing helmets instead?!?!), these things are like sunglasses for your whole face. It’s like someone saw a welder’s mask and thought “I wish I could wear that as a fashion accessory.”

The Sleeve Armor

Chinese girls wearing sleeves armor in the spring to protect form tan.

Have you ever put on a short sleeve or sleeveless shirt and then thought “I really wish I could also be wearing sleeves right now.” No, I’m not talking about wearing a long sleeve shirt. I’m talking about the extra, add-on sleeves for that “I want to wear shirtless-sleeves” look. I can only assume the purpose for these ridiculous things is to prevent your forearms from getting a tan, but I can’t be too sure. Regardless, when you see girls start to break these out, you can tell that it’s spring and they can’t be bothered to wear real shirts to protect their arms.

The Full-Time Mahjong Gamblers

Full-Time Mahjong Gamblers in China during the spring. old people playing outside

Doesn’t matter what time of day it is, as long as the weather is nice, these old people will be playing Mahjong. Typically they generate quite large crowds of locals who have nothing better to do than watch 4 geriatrics bet their retirement money on the Chinese tile equivalent of Go Fish. If Mahjong was an Olympic sport, China’s national team would be made up of all 80 year olds. The tiny folding stools come out when the weather is warm.

Dog Nudity

People in China shave their dogs in the spring to keep them from getting hot.

Dog owners in China get it in their head that their animals can’t handle the rising temperatures and need to take drastic action to keep them cool. Never mind that dogs are built to survive a variety of temperatures, Chinese dog owners think this method not only cools off their beloved pets but also looks stylish. These poor dogs have to walk around all day basically naked, looking like a lion that got into a fight with a lawnmower. Poor little things.

Slightly Less Pollution

Less pollution in China during the spring.

Unless you happen to be one of the lucky few who live in a city not constantly plagued by a high AQI level (Air Quality Index), you know how rare blue skies are. In the warmer months, pollution goes down (slightly) and you can almost start to see the washed out blue color in the sky. We can give the photo filters a little bit of a break since it doesn’t look so much like we live inside a greyscale picture. It’s not much, but it’s all we have, so we have to cherish it.

Outdoor BBQ Stands

Outdoor Skewer and Barbecue stands in China during the spring.

When the weather gets nicer, it’s a great opportunity turn pretty much every activity into an outdoor one. Treadmill runs become runs through the park, playing video games becomes playing sports, eating breakfast alone in bed in the dark while crying becomes sitting at an outdoor table for brunch. Why not bring cooking outside too? While you’ll always see some hardcore street vendors out no matter what the weather is, the nicer weather brings you more options and more barbecue smoke clouding up the sidewalks.

Crayfish Cray-Zee

A huge amount of crayfish in China during the spring. Chinese people love eating crayfish.

Chinese people will go nuts over crayfish. In the spring, crayfish start to become the right size to be eaten and all hell breaks loose. Chinese people love dawning those plastic bags for gloves, casually cracking into the shells of the mountain of crayfish in front of them and chatting away while drinking endless beer from those ridiculous tiny cups. I will never understand the appeal of these big sea bugs, but I guess the cracking of their shells is a sign that spring is here.

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