We’ve come up with a list of drunk people to look out for. Each one has been assigned to a real but terrible superhero from actual comics based on their personalities.
I swear all of these horrendous super heroes existed in the comic book world at some point. Look them up, they’re real. Which one are you?
Super Power: Ability to Communicate with Anyone
Cypher is a polyglot superhero that has the very special ability of understanding all languages. Drunk personality Cypher has the special power of being able to speak with anyone regardless of how little you speak their language, but only after many drinks. Somehow, your almost non-existent Chinese becomes infinitely better when you drink. You hold seemingly effortless conversations with locals about everything, but when you sober up, you can’t even remember a single Chinese word.
Super Power: Super human eating and drinking abilities
Weakness: Closed restaurants/food stalls
Yes, there was at one point a superhero called “Matter-Eater Lad.” And as you can imagine, he was good at consuming everything. Your drunk personality will consume anything that is edible. Somehow, you get extremely hungry and when you eventually find a place that is open late night, you eat all the food they have left. Never mind the fact that you just finished consuming multiple alcoholic drinks, you have plenty of room in your stomach for the spiciest food ever.
Super Power: Cool-ish dance moves
Weakness: Not enough space on the dancefloor
Believe it or not, Vibe fought alongside Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman because of his break dancing skills and powerful kicks. I’m not kidding. Your drunk personality channels your inner dancer and busts out the moves whenever you hear music. That’s your thing. Heck, you don’t even need music. The one problem is when people get in your way, you’re too in the zone to see them and inevitably knock into them. But it was their fault really. They shouldn’t have crowded your space, bro.
Super Power: Immobility
Weakness: Movement and Coffee
Stone Boy is the opposite of Medusa. Instead of turning other people into stone, he can turn himself into stone and nobody can move him. He’s basically a super paper weight. Drunk personality Stone Boy becomes immobile by passing out/going to sleep. It doesn’t matter where they are, how loud the room is, or how bright the lights are, you can go to sleep anywhere and no one can move you. Just be wary of people messing with you when you turn to “stone.”
Super Power: Loudness
Thunderer was a short-lived superhero whose costume had a microphone in it, allowing him to “sonic scream.” Your drunk personality is not silenced by anything. Whatever the volume level of your surroundings, you are able to talk above it. Your drunk power comes in handy when you have to shout someone’s name over the music to find them. However, if you find yourself in a situation where you need to be quiet, you might not be able to handle it.
Super Power?: Mood Swings
Weakness: Real Life Being Hard
Rainbow Girl’s powers (if you can even call them that) were rapid mood swings. She actually tried out for a super hero team and got rejected (obviously). Your drunk personality is an exaggeration of emotions. Any emotion that is evoked is instantly heightened. Are you happy? You’re the glowing life of the party. Are you sad? You’re bawling hysterically in the corner. Are you angry? You’re trying to pick fights with people. Often times you’ll go through all three of these moods in one night.
Super Power: Vomit (not kidding)
Weakness: Standing Up
Zeitgeist discovered his “super power” while drunk too! His has the ability to vomit acid. How lovely! Your drunk personality, for whatever reason, cannot tolerate alcohol. You’re often sick from it and end many nights with your head in a toilet, trashcan or plastic bag. If your drunk personality superhero had a utility belt, inside would be gatorade, aspirin and an airplane barf bag. Maybe sit this one out, champ.
*Bonus Hungover Superpower*
Super Power?: Making obvious statements about events after they already happened the night before
Hindsight Lad never actually had any real super powers in the comic book world. He would just deeply analyze situations after they happened and pondered the “What If?” As the Hindsight Lad hungover personality, you are quick to point out the most obvious statement after a night of drinking: We shouldn’t have drank so much. Thanks for that great analysis after it already happened. Wish your superpower was timetravel so we could go back a day and not invite you.
Which one are you? Let us know in the comments below. And as always, be safe!
Spoonhunt is your ultimate tool and service for finding restaurants, seeing English menus with pictures and ordering food all over China. We are dedicated to making all of China’s cuisine, from popular Western restaurants to the most local Chinese restaurants accessible to everyone. Follow us at Wechat ID: Spoonhunt or scan the QR code below to get started!
We just sent you an email. Please click the link in the email to confirm your subscription!
OKSubscriptions powered by Strikingly